uno oh cinco

better.



these past few weeks have been so socially wonderful.
i've met some amazing people, i don't know what i would do without them.
i got my prom dress, i'll definitely be posting those pictures, but probably on facebook and such. its too much a pain in my butt to post them on here.
i'm going with andrew babbitt, i'm so excited! we're going to have the best time :)
i've been sick for seriously 3 weeks now, like REALLY sick.
i almost got over it when one night my fever came back worse than ever, i couldn't even walk.
i thought my blood sugar was low or something but i ate and nothing changed.
i hate being sick, but its not the worst thing that could happen to me haha.

emily left for have-a-soup-eye the other day but they wouldn't let her family in because of swine flu and the natives so they just chilled for a few days but now she's back home! i'm really excited, i loooove emily.
i've been shopping alot lately, in a gooooood way.
new pants :) ones that actually fit! gotta love blossom.
i got extensions as well, i love how those look.
and thats all the update my sickness will allllow :(

manage me, i'm a mess.

Turn a page, i'm a book half-unread
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with
Just because.
I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough.
But i'm stuck in this fn rut waiting on a secondhand pick-me-up
and i'm over getting older

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year.
And i'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as i go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything i fear
'cause i've been going crazy i don't wanna waste another minute here.

Make believe that i impress

That every word by design turns a head i wanna feel reckless
Wanna live it up just because
I wanna feel weightless 'cause that would be enough
If i could just find the time then i would never let another day go by

so that song is like, so my life. aside from the occasional, "over getting older"
because i'm perfectly fine with getting older.
so i guess its not my life as much as i hoped it was! but i'll get over it in good time you know?
also, i really like that new ashley tisdale song, "i'm alright, its ok."
its not how i feel about anything really, but its such a happy, pump up your self esteem kind of song.

i just went through a bunch of jeans from when i was in 5th and sixth grade and i was a little fat girl
so they still fit.

guess who just found all her summer cut offs? :)
i'm seriously so cheap.
hahaha i never get anything designer or full price even.
i wont pay more that 15.80 for a shrit, 6 bucks for a cami/tank, 15 for a swimsuit, 2 dollars for underwear or 10 for shoes.

which is probably why i have no shoes.
i just don't understand why i can't bring myself to do it.
jeans are a different story, but i seriously find it SO hard to find jeans.
i went to namebrand yesterday and not one of them fit.
i hate forever 21 jeans, i don't have money for trues even though i love the way they fit lately.
i don't like buckle jeans enough to pay that much for them.
i honestly have ONE pair of jeans that fit and they're from blossom, but they have a limited amount of wearable clothes....

BOTHER.

help me find jeans?

breathe

its been a while so i'm obviously not going to give an in depth analysis of how things have changed,
but i can probably manage a day to day update of the present.

i don't really know how to define what i've become.
its not bad, its good its just different.
its me, only me.
but i need that, i need it soo much.

i've made a million new friends,
but with new friends comes new disappointments and frustrations that i wasn't expecting.
its life, though.
i wish i had more money to go shopping.
i'm really in to 'the look' right now but i'm missing out because i can't buy it,
my parents wont buy it for me like everyone elses.
(don't worry mom and dad, i don't blame you haha)

i guess the solution to that is how much i'm working lately.
i worked every day this last week, so thats like a good solid 30 hours (woohoo!)
and next week i work every day but only to about 23 hours or so.
but still, thats a 53 hour pay check in its self, and i usually accumulate extra hours through the week.
i think my main goal for work right now is to step up my game.
i'm good when it comes to customers, but being sick and tired lately, i've let the "performance around the workplace slip" and i haven't vacuumed or straightened things up.
i'll make sure to do a mass cleaning sesh on monday for everything i missed last week.

i'm so sick right now.
i actually don't feel sick so much as my throat hurts, i can't stop coughing and my voice is GONE.
i'm not achey or tired or anything though.

at work i watched this movie of kelsie's, it was so good.
it was kinda dirty and "thirteen" like in certain parts, but i really liked it for some reason.
its called "normal adolescent behavior"
i also watched "where the heart is, which i love. natalie portman is soo gorgeous.

of course i can't wait til school gets out, but don't even get me started on that subject.
i'm sure you know exactly how i feel.


i miss the past but i'm so ready for my future!






It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

wishes

i wish i could say something profound.

something to explain this mess i've put myself in...

i think it was unavoidable though.

i wish it wasn't.

i still don't know where things are going to go, they're hanging on the edge for me.

thats all i can say because i've already said too much.

if you're reading this i love you.

i have, i do, i always will.

don't forget.

million dollars worth.

i keep getting on here with intent to update but it doesn't happen.

i'm not happy, i'm not sad, nor excited, anxious or angry.

the one thing worse than any hurtful emotion

is not feeling anything at all.

i'm not suicidal, i'm just nothing.

i feel like deleting everything...

i say deleting because the internet is almost the only place i feel i exist.

what the heck, keish hahahah.

you sound insane, but its okay.

who even reads this anyways?

plus i'm sure YOU've felt this way before.

it just happens.

i think what i need is change.

my routine is stale, i can't stand this.

i've been holding back for too long and i don't feel its helping me to stay here.

i miss everything.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

upside?

i'm going to las vegas for spring break i guess :)

never been, its definitely somewhere i've wanted to go.

i can bring a friiiiiend, come!

love and other disasters

honestly, that was one of THE most endearing movies i've ever seen.

i only rented it so that i'd have entertainment at work,
but i really think i fell in love.

if you love audrey hepburn at all, i'd definitely invest.

its adorable.

i really need to go shopping.

lily allen

her songs are so political, geesh.

i reconnected with some music today.
mostly damien rice and her space holiday, ha how freshman year!

i'm passing on the good-ness though. i think thats fair enough reason for a come back.

i want it to be summer

and i want it to be summer now.

uproar

i'm sick.
i could go on and on about it but i'll spare you the deets.
its horrid but i think i can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
maybe its just the sunlight,

because i actually have found it impossible to sneeze without running to the window

and looking straight into the sun.
this is great and all, no one likes to lose a sneeze mid-nose tingle.
EXCEPT WHEN THERE'S NO SUNLIGHT.
i'm pretty sure i had the most distraught look on my face when i ran

to the window just as the sun went behind a tree on the golf course by my work...
no more relief tonight.

so, i'm pretty obsessed with smartwater right now.
its only a buck for the HUGE 33 oz bottle at target so i got on that.
i, like... crave it. i had 3 yesterday and two today.
which reminds me:
free pancake day! i indulged, sadly enough.
actually for once i don't regret it.

tell me you could resist that. priceless.
i didn't think so.

these past few days have gone fast.
as of yesterday, Ty can turn in his mission papers!
he's almost all set, just a few things to wrap up and they're off!
i'm soo proud of him.
every time i come across a missionary
or hear his recite his sales pitch (which happens alot! sweetheart :p )
i can't help but think what an
adorable, successful, handsome, strong missionary he's going to be.
he is so good at standing up for what he believes in
and he never gives up when things get hard.
ha.
i can't wait for him to get out there on the field and do his thing.
he'll definitely be recieving maaany letters from me.
also, since we're on the subject he got a new job!
he's going to be doing great and the pay is steady and hours are goood.
now i gotta get on a new one!
it'll be sad to leave Carousel, i still adore that job.
when the time comes to leave, it'll happen.
that opportunity was honestly the greatest blessing to me, i can't explain it.

since i was sick last week i've missed soo much school.
i really wish i had insane motivation to make it up... i don't actually.
i'll get good enough grades and i can't WAIT for college next year,
but as for right now... i don't really want to be there whatsoever.
weird.

the months pass by so quickly, its going to be summer before we know it!
i need a new bathing suit, and a cover up i decided.
and menos diez libra... cien y cinco es muy bueno.


what really grinds my gears today though?
the fact that Tom is a jerk
and he decided to change myspace mobile so i can no longer read bulletins?

well technically i can but only the first 3 words? maybe less.
honestly? why. what is the point of that?
how does he profit?
what am i supposed to do all day in my classes?
this isn't fair. i swear if he doesn't fix it soon... i will be so mad.
atleast i have facebook...
HEAR THAT, TOM?? ATLEAST I HAVE FACEBOOK.

staying in tonight, no escuela tomorrow.
thats what i like to hear.

house, medium, lie to me, nyquil, done.

i'll be your distraction

i really, really wish i had the money to dress nice.
like, J. Crew Gap Banana Republic Ralph Lauren nice, in Calvin Klein undies.
but i don't.
plus, you'd have to completely disreguard that i go to gilbert's ghetto high school
where sweatpants and hoodies with the occasional jeans are a pretty set dress code.
i hate being in high school, hate it.
especially in mine.

emily and i went to the outlets yesterday!
it was really fun, we couldnt buy anything though...
anything except I HEART BARACK SHIRTS!
he is so good looking hahahaha.

i'm getting sick.
thanks everyone.

i was going to blog about Chris and Rihanna because i think thats what these are for, you know. but i'm afraid that if i said how i really feel, people would get mad at me.
actually oh well, i'm over it.

basically, i think R is psycho to begin with BUT even though i think she deserved a good swift punch in the face, it probably shouldn't have come from C. the case that they are presenting is full of lies and exagerations. even the picture doesn't look as bad as they say it does. if you look
past the fact that her lip is swollen, she probably doesn't even have black eyes. it looks like she's been crying and they're puffy but honestly... i don't know. i can't even exlpain it without everyone thinking i condone domestic violence.
i don't whatsoever, thats not my point.
my point is that i'm sorry rihanna got hit but she isn't cooperating at all. doesn't the law state innocent until proven guilty? then why did all the radio stations stop playing chris's music without knowing whether or not it was even legit?
i just think if R really wants to make a stand then she needs to get her story straight.
what, what.


oh! and i'll post senior pictures laaater, i'm actually dying right now.
they turned out freaking amazing and i had a really good afternoon with Kelsea and Tyler!
i can't wait to get the rest.

boom, boom, boom, boom.

today was a really good holiday!
we woke up early, but its a good thing we did because we were busy allll day.

last night i went to a lock-in at emily's church.

i knew it was going to be interesting but it was seriously, alot of fun!

not like, OH MY GOSH I CANT CONTAIN MY ENTHUSIASM fun, (no offence hahaha)
but definitely meet new people and sleep on a concrete floor in skinny jeans fun!

i'm really glad i was invited!

i got my eyebrows done and bought hair dye so i look semi-decent for my sr pictures!

we went to mills mall.

i haven't been there foreveeer!
i definitely wasn't disappointed though!
we tried on beautiful bodacious prom dresses for hours.

i had to work at 3 so we went on a drive, which i lurv.

Kara and Rylee came in and we had a good talk with goooood pizza.

muy bueno.
Went to the gym, moderate work out but i had fun!

my outfit was borderline though, haha i don't know what to think of it!

i got to see my Tyler today!

its been like 48 hrs, i was dying folks ;p
had some good conversation with him, he's such a good boy.
not even just a good boyfriend (he's an AMAZING ONE)
but really just an awesome kid. he's definitely one of my top 3 heros in life.