caf-FIEND

thats it, i'm going to do it.
i'm going to give up caffeine. i can't believe i said it! but i need to. and in turn, i will give up artificial sweeteners, as well as carbonation. i hate being dependent on what is, no doubt, a drug. i drink way too much caffeine and i need it to function.
this has got to stop!
good news is, i was researching it and withdrawals last about 2-9 days, so within two weeks i can hope to be a normal, functioning, well oiled machine WITHOUT caffeine.
i'm excitedd! support me on this.
i'll post daily updates on twitter or my blog just to keep myself sane.

me myself and i

finally a minute to focus on myself!
spring break turned out to be more than what i needed, i feel so relaxed after a few very stressful weeks. got to hang out with some new friendys and get my mind off the less-than-positives. i love themmm.
i now have time to pick up where i left off, figuring out everything i need to be doing to better myself. i have a lot of self improvements to be making! but its almost summer and i'm so excited. summer is a good time.
i will be Acing all my classes this semester, going out with a bAng haha paying off my credit card, i should be done within the month! easy peasyy. after my card is paid off, i'll be able to grab a gym membership (LA|FITNESS), but until then, you can find me at my apartment gym, gettin' my beach bod on. working hardd @ Firebirds, possibly moving up to a server. definitely before summer time! going to single's ward with the previously mentioned new friends for some weekly enlightenment.

boring post, but just had to document the recent changes!
i'm happy.

my spring/summer

will be spent in t-shirt like tunics and dresses.










bam.

keishark

just trying to live up to my namesake.

as you and i learned in elementary school, most sharks cannot stop swimming without losing the ability to breathe. i don't know the actual facts or breeds or really much in depth about what this applies to, other than that is how i feel. i feel like i'm constantly in motion right now. not running away from my sadness so much as preventing myself from suffocating by its hand.

this past week has been, without a doubt, the hardest week of my entire life.

there has been so much loss so close to my heart, its unbearable. i don't remember shedding so many tears in such a short amount of time. tears for myself, tears for others, tears of happiness and tears just because i don't know what else to do. I don't take sadness lightly, and though i have a sensitive heart, i am usually able to look on the bright side of every situation (not that thats not what i'm doing right now, it is. its the only way i know how to cope) these things are just very life-altering situations that will not pass easily.

really, i'm so thankful for times like these that show me just how strong the gospel is and how strong the gospel has made me. i'm blessed with an unwaivering sense that everything will be okay in the end, and though thats cliche, i don't think there is a more comforting thought to be running through my head right now. i'm thankful to know about life after death. i'm thankful to see the big picture and to know that even in the worst of times, i have a million reasons to not succumb to my sadness. I'm thankful for my family, both at home and at work. i'm blessed to be surrounded by such strong people. i never thought 40-60 strangers could get along so well just by being placed in the same restaurant. true, we have our spats and debates but we love each other. we do. they are my best friends.

of course, i can't even BEGIN to express my gratitude for Klay at this time in my life.
he is my rock: unwaivering in times of trial - steady when i need someone to lean on. He doesn't have to say much, i know i do enough talking for the both of us ;) and he has helped me in ways i can't put into words. Literally from the moment i met him, i've looked up to him as an incredible individual, but we all have our downfalls right? we're human? mmm no not Klay hahaha ;) okay, this one time he rinsed off angel hair pasta and you're not supposed to do that, but all in all he's both strong and intelligent through and through. he is both a voice of reason and a place of refuge for me when i need to get away from it all. The times we've spent together this last week will be forever engraved in my mind, they mean so much to me. You are my heart, babe. My very very best friend. i can't wait until "this too shall pass" and we can move on 100x stronger than ever.

"i run to you" -lady antebellum

rip bobby, the world lost a great man yesterday.

more for myself than for anyone else

"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going. So find a motivation. Turn that motivation into determination, and with determination, turn it into a habit."

"Overeating feels good for a bit, but hurts forever. Exercising hurts for a bit, but feels good forever."

11 TIPS FOR DAILY EXERCISE

1. Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week. Along those lines …

2. If at all possible, exercise first thing in the morning. As the day wears on, you’ll find more excuses to skip exercising. Get it checked off your list, first thing.

3. Never skip exercising two days in a row. You can skip a day, but the next day, you must exercise, no matter how inconvenient.

4. Give yourself credit for the smallest effort. My
father always said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes
and close the door behind him. Many times, by promising myself I could
quit ten minutes after I’d started, I got myself to start—and then found
that I didn’t want to quit, after all.

5. Think about context. I thought I disliked weight
training, but in fact, I dislike the guys who hang out in the
weight-training area. Are you distressed about the grubby showers in
your gym? Do you try to run in the mornings, but recoil from going out
in the cold? Examine the factors that might be discouraging you from
exercising.

6. Exercise several times a week. If your idea of
exercise is to join games of pick-up basketball, you should be playing
practically every day. Twice a month isn’t enough.

7. If you don’t have time to both exercise and take a shower,
find a way to exercise that doesn’t require you to shower afterward. Twice
a week, I have a very challenging weight-training session, but the
format I follow doesn’t make me sweat. (Some of you are saying, “It
can’t be challenging if you don’t sweat!” Oh yes, believe me, it is.)

8. Look for affordable ways to make exercising more pleasant or satisfying. Could
you upgrade to a nicer or more convenient gym? Buy yourself a new iPod?
Work with a trainer? Get a pedometer to keep track of your walking
distances? Exercise is a high life priority, so this a worthwhile place
to spend some money if that helps.

9. Think of exercise as part of your essential preparation for times you want to be in especially fine form—whether
in performance (to be sharp for an important presentation) or
appearance (to look good for a wedding) or mood (to deal with a
stressful situation). Studies show that exercise does help.

10. Remember one of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood, courtesy of Voltaire: Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Don’t
decide it’s only worth exercising if you can run five miles or if you
can bike for an hour. I have a friend who scorns exercise unless she’s
training for a marathon—so she never exercises. Even going for a
ten-minute walk is worthwhile. Do what you can.

11. Don’t kid yourself. Belonging to a gym doesn’t
mean you go to the gym. Having been in shape in high school or college
doesn’t mean you’re in shape now. Saying that you don’t have time to
exercise doesn’t make it true.

hurt people hurt people.

you find out who your friends are

thats all i can say.

at this point, all i can hope for is that my very worst days shape me into the very best person i can be.

the world's most perfect wedding dress

foryouloveme.com

are you kidding me?

this dress was made for me.

i'm going to form a small army, round up the troops and send them off to scour the earth until they have found this dress. find this dress and bring it to me for it is absolute perfection and i must have it.

no seriously though. i want it.

when i'm engaged, i'm in trouble. i have no idea where to even start looking for trendy/affordable wedding dresses. humph :(