manage me, i'm a mess.

Turn a page, i'm a book half-unread
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with
Just because.
I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough.
But i'm stuck in this fn rut waiting on a secondhand pick-me-up
and i'm over getting older

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year.
And i'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as i go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything i fear
'cause i've been going crazy i don't wanna waste another minute here.

Make believe that i impress

That every word by design turns a head i wanna feel reckless
Wanna live it up just because
I wanna feel weightless 'cause that would be enough
If i could just find the time then i would never let another day go by

so that song is like, so my life. aside from the occasional, "over getting older"
because i'm perfectly fine with getting older.
so i guess its not my life as much as i hoped it was! but i'll get over it in good time you know?
also, i really like that new ashley tisdale song, "i'm alright, its ok."
its not how i feel about anything really, but its such a happy, pump up your self esteem kind of song.

i just went through a bunch of jeans from when i was in 5th and sixth grade and i was a little fat girl
so they still fit.

guess who just found all her summer cut offs? :)
i'm seriously so cheap.
hahaha i never get anything designer or full price even.
i wont pay more that 15.80 for a shrit, 6 bucks for a cami/tank, 15 for a swimsuit, 2 dollars for underwear or 10 for shoes.

which is probably why i have no shoes.
i just don't understand why i can't bring myself to do it.
jeans are a different story, but i seriously find it SO hard to find jeans.
i went to namebrand yesterday and not one of them fit.
i hate forever 21 jeans, i don't have money for trues even though i love the way they fit lately.
i don't like buckle jeans enough to pay that much for them.
i honestly have ONE pair of jeans that fit and they're from blossom, but they have a limited amount of wearable clothes....

BOTHER.

help me find jeans?

breathe

its been a while so i'm obviously not going to give an in depth analysis of how things have changed,
but i can probably manage a day to day update of the present.

i don't really know how to define what i've become.
its not bad, its good its just different.
its me, only me.
but i need that, i need it soo much.

i've made a million new friends,
but with new friends comes new disappointments and frustrations that i wasn't expecting.
its life, though.
i wish i had more money to go shopping.
i'm really in to 'the look' right now but i'm missing out because i can't buy it,
my parents wont buy it for me like everyone elses.
(don't worry mom and dad, i don't blame you haha)

i guess the solution to that is how much i'm working lately.
i worked every day this last week, so thats like a good solid 30 hours (woohoo!)
and next week i work every day but only to about 23 hours or so.
but still, thats a 53 hour pay check in its self, and i usually accumulate extra hours through the week.
i think my main goal for work right now is to step up my game.
i'm good when it comes to customers, but being sick and tired lately, i've let the "performance around the workplace slip" and i haven't vacuumed or straightened things up.
i'll make sure to do a mass cleaning sesh on monday for everything i missed last week.

i'm so sick right now.
i actually don't feel sick so much as my throat hurts, i can't stop coughing and my voice is GONE.
i'm not achey or tired or anything though.

at work i watched this movie of kelsie's, it was so good.
it was kinda dirty and "thirteen" like in certain parts, but i really liked it for some reason.
its called "normal adolescent behavior"
i also watched "where the heart is, which i love. natalie portman is soo gorgeous.

of course i can't wait til school gets out, but don't even get me started on that subject.
i'm sure you know exactly how i feel.


i miss the past but i'm so ready for my future!






It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me