utterly, completely, shamelessly

RE-obsessed

.i.cant.help.it.

thrills & chills

i might have said it one or two million times before but i am in love with this time of year.

seriously, in love
cheerful faces
holiday music
layers and layers of clothes
hot beverages
warm blankets
cuddly boyfriend
meaningful downtime
fire
christmas movies
christmas cheer
christmas presents (both give & recieve)
decorations
hope for the future

i'd like to elaborate on the last one.
there's something about christmastime that motivates me beyond belief. i want to give lavish (but meaningful) gifts, do all the things i've been saving up on my "to-do" list before the new year, own a home, decorate it to my best abilities, make memories, keep old traditions and make new ones, spend time with my loved ones, build a stronger testimony of the Church and constantly keep a smile on my face.
even though school & work are extremely important and mean alot to me, these are the things that matter most in life and always will. i feel like the holidays leave such an open door to the things you can create. they give you the ability to take old traditions and make them your own. the most simple things become the most important. i strive to see the value of small things through out the year, its how i maintain my sanity haha
like right now i'm sitting in my chilly apartment with my wonderful roomates, my huge diet doctor pepper next to me, my laptop in front of me, christmas music playing and my December all planned out. finances, gifts, extra shifts, all that jazz, i got it covered!

i do want a few things thoughhh

many oversized sweaters


a night dedicated to making gingerbread houses and drinking hot chocolate and seeing the temple lights and ALL my favorite christmas things!!!






all the classic christmas movies


an x-box or maybe a wii
(klay and i decided we can get this when we finish all the stuff on our to-do lists for december!)


and a few more holiday delights. more to be posted later i'm suuuure!

TRADITIONAL THANKSGIVING DAY POST

Thanksgiving has to be one of the most traditional holiday's celebrated, and i will honor that by not spending my day thinking of a clever blog/status to post. i'm just going to do what is expected, post a blog about what i'm thankful for, and hope that it reaches the ones i care about most.

I'm sitting here indian style in Bountiful, Utah, listening to christmas music with my hot chocolate between my legs, my blackberry on my knee and my laptop resting on the bed that my grandma Voorhees provided for me. my sister is on the bed next to me, Klay is in the next room, and grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, brendan are all through out this gorgeous (but humble) household.

i'm so thankful for everything, great and small, that i have been blessed with. I am so lucky to belong to such a wonderful church and have the testimony that i do. I'm thankful for all the knowledge that i have acumulated throughout my life, whether from school, church, friends, family or my every day experiences.

i'm thankful for the people in my life, and the joy that their presence brings to me. I am given so much and i only hope to do the same for others.

i'm thankful for the holiday season and the chance it gives me to grow close to those that mean the most to me, including my Heavenly Father.

i'm thankful for the job i have and the people i work with.

i'm thankful for my roommates, my apartment and the fact that my parents still live close enough to eat their food and crash on the couch when i am too tired to go home.

i'm also thankful for my boyfriend's family who let me do the same, and act as a second family to me. they mean so much to me and have helped me to learn and grow SO much these past 2 years or so.

lastly, i just want to take a second and admit to myself that Klay is probably the only one sincerely interested in reading this, so here's to you, lover:

(disclaimer, this is also a belated birthday post for my lil guy, so either stop right here or bear with me through the mushiness!)

I am so thankful for you, today, Klay! the fact that you're up here in Utah with me means so much more than you knoww. i'm so excited for you to meet my extended family members, i know they'll absolutely adore you, who wouldn't?

juust for fun, here's a few things i haven't told you i'm thankful for yet:

-i'm thankful for the 100s of texts you send me to get me through each week. you're always so positive, there are times when i'm SURE that i couldn't get through my daily trials without you.

-i'm thankful for your intelligence. sometimes i (jokingly!) act not-so-thankful when you prove me wrong or disagree with me, but i love to learn from you! i love being able to have in-depth conversations without having to wonder "does he even know what that word means? haha" i love being able to ask you questions like "why do people get chills?" and know you'll have an answer!

-i'm thankful for your drive in life, it keeps me motivated. i'm also thankful for your patience and your knack for being realistic when it comes to important choices in life & our relationship. its so easy to get carried away with someone you love, i'm lucky to have someone who is willing to be realistic with me in order to accomplish things!

-i'm thankful that you're the only person i know who can eat more than me! makes me look less like a heffer ;)

-i'm thankful that you don't ask questions when i ask you to take a picture of me, or what i'm doing, or food or an outfit or whatever i deem photograph worthy. you're so cooperative :)

-i'm thankful that you laugh at my jokes, and that i don't have to explain them to you. you just get them!

-i'm thankful that you're downstairs talking to my grandma, you're perfect :)

-i'm thankful for all the memories we have together. you've made these past 18 months so pleasent to look back on! disneyland, out to dinner, nights spent indoors, parties, birthday's, holidays, special kisses, dumb little fights that ended in laughter etc.

-i'm thankful that we can work through our worldly pride-issues together, because we wouldn't be where we are now if we couldn't! we are so fortunate.

-i'm thankful for your honesty, and that is a million times more than i can say for most anybody else.

i love you, Klay Berlyn Miller!
happy birthday! happy thanksgiving!
and happy holidays, i can't wait to spend them with you.

too tired to do more of my online class tonight...

but this love letter to myself will surely motivate me to do it in the morning.
<3 i'm so self disciplined...

winter thrills

i want want want my beautiful bike!

i love this weather.

i love hot chocolate.

i love hot tubbbb.

i love scarves and jackets and skinny jeans and boots.

i love snow.

i love family trips.

i love the holidays.

i love pretty little liars (JANUARY)

i love slow sad songs.

i love self discovery.

i love curling up with a good book.

i love me time.

i love my girl friends! we've had such a good time lately.

i love harry potter (THURSDAY)

i love pictures.

i love to take pictures to document memories.

i love to sit down at my desk with my roommates and their friends,
doing my online class and watching harry potter and the order of the phoenix.

&

i love kisses on my nose to keep it warm.

THAT IS ALL!

(but not really. not even close.)

cost and worth are very different things.

i don't have a specific reason for this entry so i guess i should warn you that if you don't like rambles, stay clear of this post!




i'm watching confessions of a shopaholic, (laughing at the part where they get drunk in order to look over her bills hahahaha, i do the same thing, minus the alcohol, plus maybe a starbucks drink and a desk to feel secure enough to check my email/bank account/ grades, bracing myself for possible bad news hahaha)
in my pajamas, spending today catching up on things such as shaving my legs... taking off my toe nail polish, hydration (i tend to let myself become dehydrated), i need to go grocery shopping, i need to deposite some moneys, and i'm doing homework... YES HOMEWORK! i was so upset about school for too long. i finally made up my mind about how to spend my next 2 or 3 years.

i will be finishing out this semester with my communications class, my computers class and my main court reporting class. on monday, i need to meet with a financial aid and cgcc advisor to make sure that i have everything in order for my next semester. spring '11 i will be going to CGCC to complete my prerequisite credits and classes, buying a machine and working more than usual in order to make enough money to move out to phoenix over summer '11. after i move out there, hopefully NEXT to my school, i will take off work and commit all my time to my court reporting. i'll be able to focus and flyy through my schooling.
and then graduate.
and then be a court reporter
and make money
and put my husband through school
and then have kids & stay home with them
and then i'll retire, and manage my sandwhich shop in laguna beach
and live happily ever after!
incredible.

i mean, this isn't a new thing, its been my general plan from the start, but the moving to phoenix and learning that i need to focus everything in to my school work in order to be successful were imperative self-discoveries.

my hair, i need it done. my roots are showing, how embarrassing. i'm thinking i'll go a little lighter, but still deep brown. i didn't know my hair would be so black, but i still love my peekaboo highlights, and i plan on adding a few subtle ones underneith as well. my hair is so healthy, honestly i'm obsessed with it. i haven't had healthy hair in so long, its growing and not breaking... i'm not afraid to wash/brush/ touch it!


i really need to hang up the clothes in my room. maybe i'll end this blog post here, drag them out in front of confessions of a shopaholic and put them on hangers.
i'll do my dishes
then i'll go grocery shopping (i hate grocery shopping alone, i need klay to come because then its one of my favorite activities)
and deposite the $100 my amazing father got for my 6th grade mongoose entry level bike (HOW!!?) and then tonight i work.
byee!

FRUSTRATED

i am so frustrated with school, i'm having such a hard time dedicating myself. i'm questioning the path i've chosen, wondering how far i can go to get what i want. should i quit my job? should i move away to school? phoenix? california? how far is too far?
i don't want to waste money, i don't want to waste my time, and i don't want to let either get away from me. i want to love what i do. i want to be invested in my school work, in gaining knowledge.
and while we're on that subject, i want to be invested in gaining knowledge in both school and spiritual environments.

help.