Thursday, October 29, 2009


"the luckiest" - ben folds
i love :
coloring books wif da baby animals
year one (except not really haha)
twizzlers and reeces pieces
and nights spent wif my boyfriendddd
"Work it, make it, do it, makes us harder, better, faster, stronger"

best immitation of myself

ah, i am just not myself lately.
i don't know what it is, why it came about or what has happened but my thoughts are not my owwwn.

its not negative and its not, i hope, visible to the naked eye but i hate knowing that it has occurred.
i've been thinking alot about it in my foreign thoughts and i've come to the conclusion that i just really, really need to get away for a while. i'm super stressed, i've been working a ton and going to school alot along with some other things clouding up my vision lately...
i'm just glad to know its nothing permanent.


somehow i've gotten myself all riled up and now i cannot shleeep.

mmm yesterday, makenna and i made some of those fancy culinary masterpieces you might call pillsbury ready to bake pumpkin cookies for the kids at cody's house.
we dragged emily along with us, and its been too long!

they were pretty beautiful so they went right along with the bag i decorated for them.

its a really good thing i started writing in my blog again, i know that there are soo many people out there just dying to read about things such as this!
sleep toight ya'll.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

whaaat a beautiful mess i'm in

Evil Lantern Pictures, Images and Photos

"went to where the people were on a saturday night,
seems like it always seems, where i go i want to leave.
i thought we were doing fine with our lives,
but there are people who will tell you there is always something better.

if you don't know or care you'll be alright.
i heard it's modern to be stupid, you don't need to talk to look good.
i surprised myself as my mouth started speaking,
there is nothing left of my nerves as i lean over to ask her
'pardon the intrusion, could we leave before it gets bad?
i might smash up all these windows and set fire to the curtains
until it goes on and eats it with its blue and red orange'
until the fire burns and eats it with its blue and red orange."
"halloween"- matt pond pa

happy halloween!

i'm gettin' outta here no matter what haha not my scene anymore.
cabin, dunes, san diego, prescott, aaannywhere ees good.


mmm, i can't stand it when payday isn't a treat, its a necessity. i really need to learn to manage my money MUCH better. i couldn't even drive to school today because i ran out of money some time last week... did i spend it on something important? i reaaaally don't think so. ha, great.
well, this week i will try to do better, be more responsible!

other goals this week:
eatin' healthy

aaand start knitting again!
tis the seazz.

Friday, October 23, 2009

"and all of this time you thought i was sad...

i was trying to remember your name."

mmm, mm, mmmm.
i had to get my blood drawn today.
not that bad, right?
i'm so tired, i've never felt so draaaained... i should eat something.
wah, wah, wahwahwahhhh.

so anyways, today, being supaah weak and all, i left school for some nourishment,
but somehow ended up at coffee rush blogging.. ha funny how that happens. with so much time on my hands, i wrote out a very heartfelt "20 people" blog. ya knowww, the kind where you don't mention a name or anything too specific about a person but are able to tell someone anything, good or bad, without restrictions? yeaaah, it turned out very interesting.
started out nice, got a little more in depth until finally i was just plain angry. that is when i decided that i'd rather noooot uproot such negative feelings towards people. i'm just letting you know its out there if you ever wanted to know haha maaaybe upon request i could divulge my feelings towards you.
but i wouldn't count on it.

"The best things in life are worth waiting for,
fighting for, believing in,
and just never letting go."
i just have got to say, that things are going rather splendid lately!

actually, i am dyyyying. i cannot get enough of bedroom decor right now.
i'm so stoked to move out and have the means to decorate my own house, you have no idea.
do not even get me started.

i love the idea of a white based bedroom with trims of red and bright yellow (even though this is gold).
love love love love love

ps. i miss the old post secret.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

your ex lover is dead.

this past week has been craaaazinsane, i can't even describe it. kenny and i got a kickstart on halloween and dressed up as zombies for an early hallowz party

the costume itself was uberrr cheap, messy hair (i'm good at that!), eyeshadow blush, fake blood, cut up shirts from savers, and thats pretty much it! we never actually ended up getting to said party, but we did go to a few others! haha it was pretty iffy, but we were definitely a hit with the fake blood at the 724 and hole 3. i don't think i'll even be here for "real" halloween, headed to the duuunes! so i'm glad i got to dress up atleast once :)

vat else, vaaat else? i feel super calm and resolved about certain things but i'm afraid i might not be because i've been having extremely vivid dreams lately. borderline nightmares, where i face my fear of hard situations that i've put myself into. those are the worst to wake up from, they haunt you realistically all day.

oh! speaking of being haunted...

soooooooo good, by far one of the best scary movies i've ever seen. i loved how the whole theater got into it and i was definitely crying at one part. it wasn't too satanic, it was very realistic in most parts and i saw it with kenz, ken (and jasmine in spirit!) so what could be better?!

haha last thursday, kenna and i dipped out of gilbert for a quiktrip to payson. i'm glad we did so, and i got a pack of gum out of the deal so what could be better!? nothing. i adore makenna, she is my beee efz sefz forever :)

and soo, this saturday you're coming with us to lydia, right?!

i'm supa stoked! go, go, go :)

i'm on the fast track to being in LOVE with winter this year.
my favorite activities lately include staying in bed, watching a movie on the lappy and cuddling with whomever happens to be next to me. enter a littttle cooler weather and a cup of hot chocolate and i'm set for the weekend. we've also been talking about taking a trip somewhere like massachusetts or chicago this winter and that fills my heart with joy just thinking about it.

i got a new phone! i usually wouldn't brag but
a. i've never had a "new" phone, especially not a new model
b. i paid for alot of it myself (haha most of it!)
and c. i'm just plain in love with it

tell me you wouldn't be also? its crazy without the trackball, soo much better.
i just ordered various cases for it, but the yellow silicone is by FAR my favorite :) i cannot wait for it to arrive haha.

mm, i'm really proud of myself lately because i feel as though i could be in an EXTREMELY sad state right now, but i'm completely fine. i knew that i'd grown stronger through some tough situations i've put myself in these past few months, but i had no idea just how much. i honestly can't express how grateful i am for that. i've learned to better accept my mistakes and weaknesses and use them to my advantage as strengths. i'm also incredibly grateful for the people in my life that have lead me to obtain this strength.

"yellow" -coldplay
"one more night" -stars
"i still don't have the reason, and you don't have the time.
give me something to believe in, cause i don't believe in you anymore.
i wonder if it even makes a difference to try, so this is goodbye."

Sunday, October 11, 2009


its about to get real.

mmmhm, watching the new seaz with kenny.
i feel a little old for this, but i can't deny that its a guilty pleasure of mine.

hmmm. last night was a little out of my... line of vision.
a month ago, it would've seemed like a normal night but i didn't realize i'd drifted so far from things that used to matter to me.
its surprising that i don't care at all about certain situations that were important to me and a part of who i was just a little bit ago.
i couldn't make myself care about them if i tried.
i'm grateful that my eyes have been opened to where i can see what truly matters to me.
growwwwing up.
i'm much better off where i am now, that is all.

self control.
"i am, indeeed, a king, because i know how to rule myself."

Thursday, October 8, 2009

definitely not a nashville party.

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things that i adore as of 11:11 pm on thursday, the 8th of october:
-drives on the streets surrounding mill avenue in the fall
-my best friend, makenna and spending the dayyz of laaaze with her.
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-klay, for being understanding
-not knowing i have a medical terminology midterm and being pretty sure that i aced it due to my highly unintelligent ways of remembering wordparts, prefixes and their suffixes.
(ie. capn/o= carbon dioxide capn is captain, captain dioxide= carbon dioxide)
-free drinks at QT just becaaaause.
-shoctober, shoctober, shoctober.
-letters from missionaries
-letters from missionaries about beer pong
-my car breaking down in makenna's driveway
-my daddy for immediately coming to my rescue
-prima pizza
-(beginning to get used to) my new haiiir
-love texts
-planning for halloween
-lyrics after lyrics after lyricsssss
-not having schoool tomorrow
-knee high boots and leg warmers
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-good movies
-popcorn all the time
-wanting corn nuts from a vending machine, spending a dollar and accidently getting starbursts, still wanting corn nuts, another dollar and they get stuck, STILL wanting corn nuts, now have both packages, but left three dollars poorer (more poor?)
and eating them all.
-photos of progression
-diet soda
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da simpoh things in life.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

control freak

"I could run like a coward for the door but I'll never get out.
you're freaking me out...
you lose your mind if you lose control, it makes you feel ashamed for the hearts you stole
and now your own hearts scared of an attack cause you can't give them back.
you're stressing me out when you prove me wrong,
you're wearing me out cause i've searched so long.

but I keep running right back around for more cause I'm in love with my doubt,
it's freaking me out"

today when i got up for school, i made the rash decision to forgo getting ready for school so that i might have a quick minute to make a CD for my daily treck to phoenix. inspired, i opened frostwire, downloaded some bright eyes/ death cab/ broken social scene/ copeland/ lydia, and realized that these all contained rather deeeeep depressing lyrics.
deep depressing lyrics are definitely a "probably shouldn't"
in my new plan for a positive outlook on life.
we all know i'm severely addicted to sad, sad, saaaad, the sadddest of songs.
i decided that i could handle it as looong as i knew that i had formally addressed the temptation,
so i cleverly labeled the cd "save for a rainy day," and left for school.
upon reaching QT, i thought about it and decided that even though it was not a rainy day, such as the one i had clearly promised myself i would wait for, i wanted to listen to my new cd.
no one would knoww.

in the time it took me to get from QT to the freeway, not only had i put the CD in but it had also started to rain and continued to do so on and off alllll the way to school.
no better description for a rainy day if i do say so myself.
so coincidence?

i think not. MLIA.

good tuesday night consists of:
-cookin' spaghetti with my love
-watching the office for hours
-j. crew cataloging
"dancers probably have to be light on their feet, right?
...i don't think i could ever be a dancer :/"

-getting on the internet and specifically avoiding facebook
"dont you dare get on facebook."

"what? me?! no.
i'm hardly ever on the internet. yeah, like...
maybe you should just email me sometime.. that'd be cute."
"oh yeah, totally. whats your email?"
-ventures to walmart for school supplies
(keisha loves school supplies.)

ps. makenna, walmart has these for 97 cents!
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goal for the week:
i need to get caught up in school
and actually go to school.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

my goodness

i am just the world's worst blogger, i'll admit it.
i've got to ease into this whole thing again, i'm guessing.

well summer... what summer? i'd rather not talk about it.
(but if i did talk about it, i'd have to admit, you were fun while you lasted)

anyways, now its shocktoberrrr? i can't even believe it.

what is going onnn...
i'm in school at gateway community college in phoenix, and i'm enrolled in the court reporting program.
what is a court reporter, you may ask?
well let
tell you,
because i'm almost positive that i've explained it enough to last a life time and i'm only in week 7 of my program haha.
i'm absolutely in love with everything court reporting related.
i'm sooo blessed to have made the right choice in going to gateway.
i go to school every day, i work more than every other day and i wouldn't have it any other way.
i still work at the dry cleaners and i plan on working there, if permitted to, until i graduate from GWCC.

what else...
mm. i'm trying to keep this on a good note because being positive is my thang nowadays,
so we'll just leave lesss positive thoughts and ponderings for a later time if i find reason to bring them up.
.ǝɹɐ noʎ oɥʍ ʍouʞ noʎ.

the weather here is so, soo nice.
last night makenna and i went on a bike/longboarding adventure and it was quiite invigorating
give or take a few emotional times we had on the way back.
rip lovers passion...!

basicallllly livin' da life, brahh!

daily agenda consists of:
musically enriched drive,
makenna or klay,
work or school again,
klay or makenna

photos since school has started

so, uhm lydia on the 24th? yes.