shhhhhhh

in my head there's only you now, this world falls on me.
in this world there's real and make-believe
and this seems real to me.

bad romance

lights poxleitner, may i be you?







oh but please, if you could,
exchange your locks for those of lady gaga?

that would be all, thank youu!




ps i got a really cuuute cheap outfit the other day, and a blog is my own so photo?

photo.

8 dollar leather jacket
9 dollar tank
DIY lacey tank top
and makenna's jeans (40 bucks at tilly's?)
aren't we dang thrifty?!

concrete colored buildings all grow stale

i think i think too much.

i know i think too much, because if i ever act half as much as i think, i overdo it and everything blows out of preportion. i just need to breathe and let things settle. i over-analyze so i that i don't worry but it doesn't stop the fear of losing something i might have missed.

the scariest thing happened this morning, i swear i had a small heart attack. it was the most painful feeling in the world.
i'm glad to be alive.



"you can stand under my umbrella" 11:19am
(you know you're having a self induced rough time when a text like that from an old friend makes everything better)


ignore the cigg

i want, i want, i want

tights.
to wear tights, boots and oversized shirts for the rest of my life.
to move on.
to not feel so sick when i try to eat correctly.
to not complain so daang much.
to cuddle all winterday.
it to be christmas time, sorry thanksgiving but i'm just not feelin' a connection between us.
to know who reads my blogs that i wouldn't expect.
to do a photoshoot.
to move out, and dedicate my time to interior decorating.
my paycheck.
makenna to come home.
not to have to go to court next week.


"i need to be bold,
need to jump in the cold water,
need to grow older with a boy like you.

say you want the same things too, say you feel the way i do."

secretly,

i love to pine for things i can't have.
no, no, no, wait. i love to pine for things things i CAN have, if so desired, but things i don't truly crave. instead of honestly "going after" these things, i just feighn interest and passion, beat around the bush until i've completely worn it down, declare exhaustion and walk away with a smile.
that way, i can look back and say i "tried" because i "did", learn from my "failures" without actually feeling the heartbreak.
"you know i always like to play the victim"
this is entertaining, but childish and i'm sick of playing heartless games.
deeeeeep, right?
that is all.

2 official goals for this week

stop wasting my time on:

(also, as a side note, quit repeating letters for the most part. i'm annoying myself)


start working harder at school on:


national court reporters assoc.

&

fill up on:




as to better (completely)cut out on:


(bad carbs)





that is my plan of achievement for the week.
oh, the finer things in life <3
xoxo




ps. i would say "save money" as my third goal, but that would mean no shopping and i absolutely needstraight legged wranglers from sunset exchange for 45$.
i heart jeans.
so, maybe after that no shopping....
wait, no its klay's birthday but i don't think that counts as shopping!
pshh, and neither do court fines.
yuck.

i said to myself we all lost touch

oh chariot, your golden waves are walking down upon this face
oh chariot, i'm singing out loud to guide me
give me your strength
remember seeking moons rebirth? rains made mirrors of the earth.
the sun was just yellow energy it is a living promise land
even over fields of sand since it's filled my body, covered me bringing back more than a memory.

you'll be my vacation away from this place, you know what I want
holding that cup, it's pouring over the sides.
you make me wanna spread my arms and fly.
give me your strength.

i feeel goooood,

i feel alright!

wooooot, good sunday for suuure!
this weekend was insanity.

(i'm not naked)
and by "this weekend," i mean thursday night.
i feel like i'm 50 years old and the smallest piece of mischief just takes it all out of me. i was so tempted to stay in bed all friday and saturday.
i kiiinda did, kept it low key and klaassyyyy with klay <3>
i also worked long, long hours. i'm not complaining though, because i brought a nice blanket, my pillow and 5 christmas movies so i could lay under my table @ the cleaners and watch them so comfortably.
i love my job.
(ps don't get confused, i'm a durrrn good worker and i get the job done)
i feel like from this post you may get the impression that i live my life laying down haaaa.

i have a love for coffee rush that nonaya could understand.
i'm in the best blogging mindset posted up in my corner over here, and i don't even want to heaaaar your cliche notions about it.


katy's wedding is this weekend!!
soo unbelievably excited and honored to participate.
hopefully i get some pictures with the wedding girl, because we don't exactly look like this anymore:

yikes, on my part hahahah.



makenna is in hawaii, i miss her.
i also miss emily, so we're going to go on a drive and do other bonding activities to catch up on old times.


i made a pretty playlist for my day today. i can't post it though, that would be too much insight into my mind.
xoxo.




so scatter brained. 8 shots of espresso is my weakness. shh.
i'm an espressoholic. i need help.

"i know you have a heavy heart, i can feel it when we kiss

so many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
but me i'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
the love i sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist.
you're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
but what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag.
i got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
and if you promise to stay conscious i will try and do the same
we might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain.
but what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane
and i'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
the reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
it's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is."

wowowowowowow. what a stressful week.
its been hard. i don't feel well.
tis the season but i wish i was getting sick, rather than overexerting myself and making myself sick.
atleast i have alot to show for it, i've accomplished great amounts.
maybe when i'm not so over-my-limits, i'll list them and feel good about myself.

this past weekend was gooood for me, we got away to flagstaff for a few days.
the weather up there is so nice.
crisp.
brilliant.


we went to stromboli's, besssst plate of garlic bread aaand spaghetti and meatballs.
while we were up there, we saw couples retreat


it wasn't as funny as i had hoped, but it wasn't a bad movie. i'm not going to lie, though, i was probably more into my swedish fishhhh :)

mmmm.


we also went to the lowell obvervatory.
they discovered pluto there!



it was extremely intruiging. to be honest, i've never been one to care much about the stars, but its such an experience to put yourself in someone else's shoes for an hour or two and see what it might be like to be so passionate about them. the telescope was beautiful, but i probably liked the structures the most. the old library is so quaint, i could spend all beauty-and-the-beast day in there haha.


halloween was relaxing, watching cake decorating shows (sooo interesting!), napping and eating good food.

inspired back in gilbert, i got makenna to make cupcakes with me :)
(send me pictures!)






H&M opens todaaaay!
i'm so there.



disney's a christmas carol comes out on saturday!
i'm so there as well.


other than that, i just want to sleep, sleep, sleep...







oh ps. lets forgo thanksgiving this year and skip right to christmas?
pleaseandthankyou.

ps

"the luckiest" - ben folds

i love :
coloring books wif da baby animals
markers
year one (except not really haha)

twizzlers and reeces pieces

quilts

QT

and nights spent wif my boyfriendddd

:)

happpppiness.

"Work it, make it, do it, makes us harder, better, faster, stronger"
<3