i said to myself we all lost touch

oh chariot, your golden waves are walking down upon this face
oh chariot, i'm singing out loud to guide me
give me your strength
remember seeking moons rebirth? rains made mirrors of the earth.
the sun was just yellow energy it is a living promise land
even over fields of sand since it's filled my body, covered me bringing back more than a memory.

you'll be my vacation away from this place, you know what I want
holding that cup, it's pouring over the sides.
you make me wanna spread my arms and fly.
give me your strength.

i feeel goooood,

i feel alright!

wooooot, good sunday for suuure!
this weekend was insanity.

(i'm not naked)
and by "this weekend," i mean thursday night.
i feel like i'm 50 years old and the smallest piece of mischief just takes it all out of me. i was so tempted to stay in bed all friday and saturday.
i kiiinda did, kept it low key and klaassyyyy with klay <3>
i also worked long, long hours. i'm not complaining though, because i brought a nice blanket, my pillow and 5 christmas movies so i could lay under my table @ the cleaners and watch them so comfortably.
i love my job.
(ps don't get confused, i'm a durrrn good worker and i get the job done)
i feel like from this post you may get the impression that i live my life laying down haaaa.

i have a love for coffee rush that nonaya could understand.
i'm in the best blogging mindset posted up in my corner over here, and i don't even want to heaaaar your cliche notions about it.


katy's wedding is this weekend!!
soo unbelievably excited and honored to participate.
hopefully i get some pictures with the wedding girl, because we don't exactly look like this anymore:

yikes, on my part hahahah.



makenna is in hawaii, i miss her.
i also miss emily, so we're going to go on a drive and do other bonding activities to catch up on old times.


i made a pretty playlist for my day today. i can't post it though, that would be too much insight into my mind.
xoxo.




so scatter brained. 8 shots of espresso is my weakness. shh.
i'm an espressoholic. i need help.

"i know you have a heavy heart, i can feel it when we kiss

so many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
but me i'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split
the love i sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist.
you're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back
well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad
but what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag.
i got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train
and if you promise to stay conscious i will try and do the same
we might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain.
but what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane
and i'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
the reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
it's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is."

wowowowowowow. what a stressful week.
its been hard. i don't feel well.
tis the season but i wish i was getting sick, rather than overexerting myself and making myself sick.
atleast i have alot to show for it, i've accomplished great amounts.
maybe when i'm not so over-my-limits, i'll list them and feel good about myself.

this past weekend was gooood for me, we got away to flagstaff for a few days.
the weather up there is so nice.
crisp.
brilliant.


we went to stromboli's, besssst plate of garlic bread aaand spaghetti and meatballs.
while we were up there, we saw couples retreat


it wasn't as funny as i had hoped, but it wasn't a bad movie. i'm not going to lie, though, i was probably more into my swedish fishhhh :)

mmmm.


we also went to the lowell obvervatory.
they discovered pluto there!



it was extremely intruiging. to be honest, i've never been one to care much about the stars, but its such an experience to put yourself in someone else's shoes for an hour or two and see what it might be like to be so passionate about them. the telescope was beautiful, but i probably liked the structures the most. the old library is so quaint, i could spend all beauty-and-the-beast day in there haha.


halloween was relaxing, watching cake decorating shows (sooo interesting!), napping and eating good food.

inspired back in gilbert, i got makenna to make cupcakes with me :)
(send me pictures!)






H&M opens todaaaay!
i'm so there.



disney's a christmas carol comes out on saturday!
i'm so there as well.


other than that, i just want to sleep, sleep, sleep...







oh ps. lets forgo thanksgiving this year and skip right to christmas?
pleaseandthankyou.

ps

"the luckiest" - ben folds

i love :
coloring books wif da baby animals
markers
year one (except not really haha)

twizzlers and reeces pieces

quilts

QT

and nights spent wif my boyfriendddd

:)

happpppiness.

"Work it, make it, do it, makes us harder, better, faster, stronger"
<3

best immitation of myself

ah, i am just not myself lately.
i don't know what it is, why it came about or what has happened but my thoughts are not my owwwn.
its not negative and its not, i hope, visible to the naked eye but i hate knowing that it has occurred.
i've been thinking alot about it in my foreign thoughts and i've come to the conclusion that i just really, really need to get away for a while. i'm super stressed, i've been working a ton and going to school alot along with some other things clouding up my vision lately...
i'm just glad to know its nothing permanent.


somehow i've gotten myself all riled up and now i cannot shleeep.



mmm yesterday, makenna and i made some of those fancy culinary masterpieces you might call pillsbury ready to bake pumpkin cookies for the kids at cody's house.
we dragged emily along with us, and its been too long!

they were pretty beautiful so they went right along with the bag i decorated for them.



its a really good thing i started writing in my blog again, i know that there are soo many people out there just dying to read about things such as this!
sleep toight ya'll.

whaaat a beautiful mess i'm in

"went to where the people were on a saturday night,
seems like it always seems, where i go i want to leave.
i thought we were doing fine with our lives,
but there are people who will tell you there is always something better.

if you don't know or care you'll be alright.
i heard it's modern to be stupid, you don't need to talk to look good.
i surprised myself as my mouth started speaking,

there is nothing left of my nerves as i lean over to ask her
'pardon the intrusion, could we leave before it gets bad?
i might smash up all these windows and set fire to the curtains
until it goes on and eats it with its blue and red orange'
until the fire burns and eats it with its blue and red orange."
"halloween"- matt pond pa

happy halloween!
i'm gettin' outta here no matter what haha not my scene anymore.
cabin, dunes, san diego, prescott, aaannywhere ees good.



mmm, i can't stand it when payday isn't a treat, its a necessity. i really need to learn to manage my money MUCH better. i couldn't even drive to school today because i ran out of money some time last week... did i spend it on something important? i reaaaally don't think so. ha, great.
well, this week i will try to do better, be more responsible!

other goals this week:

eatin' healthy


aaand start knitting again!

tis the seazz.

"and all of this time you thought i was sad...

i was trying to remember your name."

mmm, mm, mmmm.
i had to get my blood drawn today.
not that bad, right?
wrong.
i'm so tired, i've never felt so draaaained... i should eat something.
wah, wah, wahwahwahhhh.

so anyways, today, being supaah weak and all, i left school for some nourishment,
but somehow ended up at coffee rush blogging.. ha funny how that happens. with so much time on my hands, i wrote out a very heartfelt "20 people" blog. ya knowww, the kind where you don't mention a name or anything too specific about a person but are able to tell someone anything, good or bad, without restrictions? yeaaah, it turned out very interesting.
started out nice, got a little more in depth until finally i was just plain angry. that is when i decided that i'd rather noooot uproot such negative feelings towards people. i'm just letting you know its out there if you ever wanted to know haha maaaybe upon request i could divulge my feelings towards you.
but i wouldn't count on it.


"The best things in life are worth waiting for,
fighting for, believing in,
and just never letting go."
:)
i just have got to say, that things are going rather splendid lately!

actually, i am dyyyying. i cannot get enough of bedroom decor right now.
i'm so stoked to move out and have the means to decorate my own house, you have no idea.
do not even get me started.

i love the idea of a white based bedroom with trims of red and bright yellow (even though this is gold).
love love love love love

ps. i miss the old post secret.

your ex lover is dead.

this past week has been craaaazinsane, i can't even describe it. kenny and i got a kickstart on halloween and dressed up as zombies for an early hallowz party

the costume itself was uberrr cheap, messy hair (i'm good at that!), eyeshadow blush, fake blood, cut up shirts from savers, and thats pretty much it! we never actually ended up getting to said party, but we did go to a few others! haha it was pretty iffy, but we were definitely a hit with the fake blood at the 724 and hole 3. i don't think i'll even be here for "real" halloween, headed to the duuunes! so i'm glad i got to dress up atleast once :)

vat else, vaaat else? i feel super calm and resolved about certain things but i'm afraid i might not be because i've been having extremely vivid dreams lately. borderline nightmares, where i face my fear of hard situations that i've put myself into. those are the worst to wake up from, they haunt you realistically all day.

oh! speaking of being haunted...

soooooooo good, by far one of the best scary movies i've ever seen. i loved how the whole theater got into it and i was definitely crying at one part. it wasn't too satanic, it was very realistic in most parts and i saw it with kenz, ken (and jasmine in spirit!) so what could be better?!

haha last thursday, kenna and i dipped out of gilbert for a quiktrip to payson. i'm glad we did so, and i got a pack of gum out of the deal so what could be better!? nothing. i adore makenna, she is my beee efz sefz forever :)

and soo, this saturday you're coming with us to lydia, right?!

i'm supa stoked! go, go, go :)

i'm on the fast track to being in LOVE with winter this year.
my favorite activities lately include staying in bed, watching a movie on the lappy and cuddling with whomever happens to be next to me. enter a littttle cooler weather and a cup of hot chocolate and i'm set for the weekend. we've also been talking about taking a trip somewhere like massachusetts or chicago this winter and that fills my heart with joy just thinking about it.

i got a new phone! i usually wouldn't brag but
a. i've never had a "new" phone, especially not a new model
b. i paid for alot of it myself (haha most of it!)
and c. i'm just plain in love with it

tell me you wouldn't be also? its crazy without the trackball, soo much better.
i just ordered various cases for it, but the yellow silicone is by FAR my favorite :) i cannot wait for it to arrive haha.


mm, i'm really proud of myself lately because i feel as though i could be in an EXTREMELY sad state right now, but i'm completely fine. i knew that i'd grown stronger through some tough situations i've put myself in these past few months, but i had no idea just how much. i honestly can't express how grateful i am for that. i've learned to better accept my mistakes and weaknesses and use them to my advantage as strengths. i'm also incredibly grateful for the people in my life that have lead me to obtain this strength.

"yellow" -coldplay

"one more night" -stars
"i still don't have the reason, and you don't have the time.
give me something to believe in, cause i don't believe in you anymore.
i wonder if it even makes a difference to try, so this is goodbye."

degrassi...

its about to get real.

mmmhm, watching the new seaz with kenny.

i feel a little old for this, but i can't deny that its a guilty pleasure of mine.

hmmm. last night was a little out of my... line of vision.

a month ago, it would've seemed like a normal night but i didn't realize i'd drifted so far from things that used to matter to me.

its surprising that i don't care at all about certain situations that were important to me and a part of who i was just a little bit ago.

i couldn't make myself care about them if i tried.

i'm grateful that my eyes have been opened to where i can see what truly matters to me.

growwwwing up.

i'm much better off where i am now, that is all.

self control.

"i am, indeeed, a king, because i know how to rule myself."

definitely not a nashville party.

things that i adore as of 11:11 pm on thursday, the 8th of october:

-drives on the streets surrounding mill avenue in the fall

-my best friend, makenna and spending the dayyz of laaaze with her.

-klay, for being understanding

-not knowing i have a medical terminology midterm and being pretty sure that i aced it due to my highly unintelligent ways of remembering wordparts, prefixes and their suffixes.
(ie. capn/o= carbon dioxide capn is captain, captain dioxide= carbon dioxide)

-free drinks at QT just becaaaause.

-shoctober, shoctober, shoctober.

-letters from missionaries

-letters from missionaries about beer pong

-my car breaking down in makenna's driveway

-my daddy for immediately coming to my rescue

-prima pizza

-(beginning to get used to) my new haiiir

-love texts

-planning for halloween

-lyrics after lyrics after lyricsssss

-not having schoool tomorrow

-knee high boots and leg warmers

-good movies

-popcorn all the time

-wanting corn nuts from a vending machine, spending a dollar and accidently getting starbursts, still wanting corn nuts, another dollar and they get stuck, STILL wanting corn nuts, now have both packages, but left three dollars poorer (more poor?)
and eating them all.
-photos of progression

-diet soda

da simpoh things in life.