control freak

"I could run like a coward for the door but I'll never get out.
you're freaking me out...
you lose your mind if you lose control, it makes you feel ashamed for the hearts you stole
and now your own hearts scared of an attack cause you can't give them back.
you're stressing me out when you prove me wrong,
you're wearing me out cause i've searched so long.

but I keep running right back around for more cause I'm in love with my doubt,
it's freaking me out"

coincidence?
today when i got up for school, i made the rash decision to forgo getting ready for school so that i might have a quick minute to make a CD for my daily treck to phoenix. inspired, i opened frostwire, downloaded some bright eyes/ death cab/ broken social scene/ copeland/ lydia, and realized that these all contained rather deeeeep depressing lyrics.
deep depressing lyrics are definitely a "probably shouldn't"
in my new plan for a positive outlook on life.
we all know i'm severely addicted to sad, sad, saaaad, the sadddest of songs.
i decided that i could handle it as looong as i knew that i had formally addressed the temptation,
so i cleverly labeled the cd "save for a rainy day," and left for school.
upon reaching QT, i thought about it and decided that even though it was not a rainy day, such as the one i had clearly promised myself i would wait for, i wanted to listen to my new cd.
no one would knoww.

in the time it took me to get from QT to the freeway, not only had i put the CD in but it had also started to rain and continued to do so on and off alllll the way to school.
no better description for a rainy day if i do say so myself.
so coincidence?

i think not. MLIA.

good tuesday night consists of:

-cookin' spaghetti with my love

-watching the office for hours

-j. crew cataloging

-sytycd

"dancers probably have to be light on their feet, right?
...i don't think i could ever be a dancer :/"

hahahaha

-getting on the internet and specifically avoiding facebook
"dont you dare get on facebook."

"what? me?! no.
i'm hardly ever on the internet. yeah, like...
maybe you should just email me sometime.. that'd be cute."
"oh yeah, totally. whats your email?
keishalovesfacebook@myspace.com?"

hahahahaha

-ventures to walmart for school supplies

(keisha loves school supplies.)

ps. makenna, walmart has these for 97 cents!

goal for the week:

i need to get caught up in school

and actually go to school.

yaaaay.

my goodness

i am just the world's worst blogger, i'll admit it.
i've got to ease into this whole thing again, i'm guessing.

well summer... what summer? i'd rather not talk about it.
(but if i did talk about it, i'd have to admit, you were fun while you lasted)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=85478&id=521106397&l=1822a8b7a0

anyways, now its shocktoberrrr? i can't even believe it.

what is going onnn...
i'm in school at gateway community college in phoenix, and i'm enrolled in the court reporting program.
what is a court reporter, you may ask?
well let http://careers.stateuniversity.com/pages/697/Court-Reporter.html tell you,
because i'm almost positive that i've explained it enough to last a life time and i'm only in week 7 of my program haha.
i'm absolutely in love with everything court reporting related.
i'm sooo blessed to have made the right choice in going to gateway.
i go to school every day, i work more than every other day and i wouldn't have it any other way.
i still work at the dry cleaners and i plan on working there, if permitted to, until i graduate from GWCC.

what else...
mm. i'm trying to keep this on a good note because being positive is my thang nowadays,
so we'll just leave lesss positive thoughts and ponderings for a later time if i find reason to bring them up.
.ǝɹɐ noʎ oɥʍ ʍouʞ noʎ.




the weather here is so, soo nice.
last night makenna and i went on a bike/longboarding adventure and it was quiite invigorating
give or take a few emotional times we had on the way back.
rip lovers passion...!



basicallllly livin' da life, brahh!

daily agenda consists of:
QT,
musically enriched drive,
school,
clean,
QT,
makenna or klay,
work or school again,
klay or makenna
QT,
sleep.


photos since school has started
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=105122&id=521106397&l=d9210dace2


so, uhm lydia on the 24th? yes.

post script

i'm reading the older posts from 2+ months ago...

i've changed.

alot.

lets start over.

hi, i'm keisha

battlefield

ah, its been soooo long since i updated this! 

buuuuut it happens haha.

obviously, i'm going to be brief,  but from where i left off pretty much everything has changed.

-went to prom, it was great. 

-graduated, it was a success.

-moved out, it didn't last.

-dealt with drama, it never ends.

-got closure and watched some of my closest friends leave, it was short and sweet.

-learned many "life lessons", it was worth it.

i've met so many wonderful people since summer started, its insane.

i wish words could do it justice, but i'll try to write more often so that a huge update isn't necessary.

i'm still working at the cleaners, i still adore my job. 

i'm going to Gateway community college in the fall and i'm excited to get a move on my career.

this summer has been craaazy, but i love it.

uhmm, so harry potter comes out in a few days?! i'm stoked.

actually, i think i'm going to go and get my tickets in a few minutes.

what else, what else?

i've been listening to the best music lately. 

i get so much more out of music than i manage to get anywhere else.

i'm sure i'll remember everything else i was going to say within the next hour.

i still need to blog about emily's and my trip to payson/winslow!

<3

uno oh cinco

better.



these past few weeks have been so socially wonderful.
i've met some amazing people, i don't know what i would do without them.
i got my prom dress, i'll definitely be posting those pictures, but probably on facebook and such. its too much a pain in my butt to post them on here.
i'm going with andrew babbitt, i'm so excited! we're going to have the best time :)
i've been sick for seriously 3 weeks now, like REALLY sick.
i almost got over it when one night my fever came back worse than ever, i couldn't even walk.
i thought my blood sugar was low or something but i ate and nothing changed.
i hate being sick, but its not the worst thing that could happen to me haha.

emily left for have-a-soup-eye the other day but they wouldn't let her family in because of swine flu and the natives so they just chilled for a few days but now she's back home! i'm really excited, i loooove emily.
i've been shopping alot lately, in a gooooood way.
new pants :) ones that actually fit! gotta love blossom.
i got extensions as well, i love how those look.
and thats all the update my sickness will allllow :(

manage me, i'm a mess.

Turn a page, i'm a book half-unread
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with
Just because.
I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough.
But i'm stuck in this fn rut waiting on a secondhand pick-me-up
and i'm over getting older

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year.
And i'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as i go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything i fear
'cause i've been going crazy i don't wanna waste another minute here.

Make believe that i impress

That every word by design turns a head i wanna feel reckless
Wanna live it up just because
I wanna feel weightless 'cause that would be enough
If i could just find the time then i would never let another day go by

so that song is like, so my life. aside from the occasional, "over getting older"
because i'm perfectly fine with getting older.
so i guess its not my life as much as i hoped it was! but i'll get over it in good time you know?
also, i really like that new ashley tisdale song, "i'm alright, its ok."
its not how i feel about anything really, but its such a happy, pump up your self esteem kind of song.

i just went through a bunch of jeans from when i was in 5th and sixth grade and i was a little fat girl
so they still fit.

guess who just found all her summer cut offs? :)
i'm seriously so cheap.
hahaha i never get anything designer or full price even.
i wont pay more that 15.80 for a shrit, 6 bucks for a cami/tank, 15 for a swimsuit, 2 dollars for underwear or 10 for shoes.

which is probably why i have no shoes.
i just don't understand why i can't bring myself to do it.
jeans are a different story, but i seriously find it SO hard to find jeans.
i went to namebrand yesterday and not one of them fit.
i hate forever 21 jeans, i don't have money for trues even though i love the way they fit lately.
i don't like buckle jeans enough to pay that much for them.
i honestly have ONE pair of jeans that fit and they're from blossom, but they have a limited amount of wearable clothes....

BOTHER.

help me find jeans?

breathe

its been a while so i'm obviously not going to give an in depth analysis of how things have changed,
but i can probably manage a day to day update of the present.

i don't really know how to define what i've become.
its not bad, its good its just different.
its me, only me.
but i need that, i need it soo much.

i've made a million new friends,
but with new friends comes new disappointments and frustrations that i wasn't expecting.
its life, though.
i wish i had more money to go shopping.
i'm really in to 'the look' right now but i'm missing out because i can't buy it,
my parents wont buy it for me like everyone elses.
(don't worry mom and dad, i don't blame you haha)

i guess the solution to that is how much i'm working lately.
i worked every day this last week, so thats like a good solid 30 hours (woohoo!)
and next week i work every day but only to about 23 hours or so.
but still, thats a 53 hour pay check in its self, and i usually accumulate extra hours through the week.
i think my main goal for work right now is to step up my game.
i'm good when it comes to customers, but being sick and tired lately, i've let the "performance around the workplace slip" and i haven't vacuumed or straightened things up.
i'll make sure to do a mass cleaning sesh on monday for everything i missed last week.

i'm so sick right now.
i actually don't feel sick so much as my throat hurts, i can't stop coughing and my voice is GONE.
i'm not achey or tired or anything though.

at work i watched this movie of kelsie's, it was so good.
it was kinda dirty and "thirteen" like in certain parts, but i really liked it for some reason.
its called "normal adolescent behavior"
i also watched "where the heart is, which i love. natalie portman is soo gorgeous.

of course i can't wait til school gets out, but don't even get me started on that subject.
i'm sure you know exactly how i feel.


i miss the past but i'm so ready for my future!






It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

wishes

i wish i could say something profound.

something to explain this mess i've put myself in...

i think it was unavoidable though.

i wish it wasn't.

i still don't know where things are going to go, they're hanging on the edge for me.

thats all i can say because i've already said too much.

if you're reading this i love you.

i have, i do, i always will.

don't forget.

million dollars worth.

i keep getting on here with intent to update but it doesn't happen.

i'm not happy, i'm not sad, nor excited, anxious or angry.

the one thing worse than any hurtful emotion

is not feeling anything at all.

i'm not suicidal, i'm just nothing.

i feel like deleting everything...

i say deleting because the internet is almost the only place i feel i exist.

what the heck, keish hahahah.

you sound insane, but its okay.

who even reads this anyways?

plus i'm sure YOU've felt this way before.

it just happens.

i think what i need is change.

my routine is stale, i can't stand this.

i've been holding back for too long and i don't feel its helping me to stay here.

i miss everything.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

upside?

i'm going to las vegas for spring break i guess :)

never been, its definitely somewhere i've wanted to go.

i can bring a friiiiiend, come!

love and other disasters

honestly, that was one of THE most endearing movies i've ever seen.

i only rented it so that i'd have entertainment at work,
but i really think i fell in love.

if you love audrey hepburn at all, i'd definitely invest.

its adorable.

i really need to go shopping.